Wrap: Kristen Renton from FX’s Sons of Anarchy!

Kristen Renton from Sons of Anarchy gives us everything and more. What a gamer!

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After a one-month hiatus spent training hard and popping steroids to build grotesque levels of muscle mass, the wrecking crew that is LIVE! From the Future… stepped back into the ring. Weighing in at 200 pounds, minus the codpiece, was Stu, Jessie Schneiderman – who moonlights as a Scandinavian turntablist DJ Schnooterman – and Tampa Bay’s #2 Oldsmobile saleman, John Fulton.

(America’s second favorite novelty act (behind the Bacon Brothers) is LFTF’s own 9 inches. See them on tour this fall with Sandusky, Ohio’s own “Wildcat”, a band dedicated to a football play.)

Following a brief on-set romance between John and Stu (it didn’t work out… or did it?), we finally got a nice look at Jesse’s new set… her studio set, you pervs. But she does have sweet sweet jewbs; this, we all know.

The several new backdrops, the new Tri-Caster studio… all ideal for hosting a classy guest like actor Kristen Renton from FX’s hit show: Sons of Anarchy. We not only got the skinny on her career and her current project, we grilled her in a series of quizzes. Since she plays a porn actor and has Danish ancestry, we thought it only fitting to start with America’s #1 family fun game, Danish Porn Star or Member of Parliament?

Kristen reacts with pure unadulterated joy when learning she will be the one and only contestant on “Danish Porn Star or Member of Parliament?”

For those of you scoring at home, smart Kristen was a perfect six for six, even guessing correctly that the immortal Lars Rasmussen is not, in fact, known for his coitus impressivius. Actually, he’s the country’s Prime Minister.

Next up was a rapid-fire set of chat room questions Kristen had to answer truthfully in the space of sixty seconds. The grilling didn’t stop there – we played Tampa Bay Trivia, all about her beloved sports teams. She stumbled a bit here and there, but honestly, I didn’t even know Tampa Bay was a real place until last year when their baseball squadron apparently made the World Series? Wha???

Kristen did better with LFTF’s famous Ultimate Tomboy Test, passing with a robust score – proving without a doubt – she is a Tomboy. I mean, come on she even admitting to lighting her own farts on fire and peeing outside (not on the same day.) Look at her – who wouldn’t love this girl?

“Kristen, I get that you like to pee outside, but did you have to do it on my car as I was getting out of it?”

Nextly, we mined the depths of chat room wisdom to come up with Instant Action Movies. Details aside, we figured out her next vehicle: Firefarter, a woman who can solve crime and save the world with her ability to shoot flaming farts. I think Soderbergh should direct.

As if this finely wrapped bundle of entertainment wasn’t enough, we finished with a round of Come Again? in which ex-soap stars like Kristen have to act and emote their way through a line or two of dialogue.

Kristen hangs tough through 50 minutes of uncut weirdness, trivia and chatroom come-ons.

Batteries? Octo-mom? Tampa frickin’ Bay? Boy, did this show veer in bizarre directions. Stu and John finally brought it to a close before it could veer any further.

Next week we’ll probably veer even weirdlier with a new guest, Galadriel Stineman from Cartoon Network’s upcoming Ben 10: Alien Storm. Check out the Message Boards for her show HERE. See ya then.

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